Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
