Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
