Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
