i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Houston, we have a blender
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
