You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
