they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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