Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
