i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
