Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
