Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
