Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
