i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
