y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize