i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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