Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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