Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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