I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
