kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
