Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
