I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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