I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
