I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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