operation harelip BJ is a go
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize