his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
