Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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