she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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