well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
