dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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