Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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