i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
