So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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