can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
