look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
