I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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