the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
