Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
