the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
