Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night

(404): View more from Georgia

i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator

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(973): View more from New Jersey

how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it

(973): View more from New Jersey

just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you

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(478): View more from Georgia

She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks

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(281): View more from Texas

WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!

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(720): View more from Colorado

Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.

(303): View more from Colorado

Glad to hear you raised your standards

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.

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(785): View more from Kansas

That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.

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(936): View more from Texas

So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?

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