Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
