Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
