So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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