So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
