I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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