where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
