she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
