My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
