I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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