Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
