Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
