just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
