Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
