i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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