Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
