Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
