hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
