I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Randomize
