my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
