i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
