finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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