don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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