I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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