one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
