capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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