she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize