Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
