If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
